TRUTH - Day 14: A hero that has let you down. Letter.

This is vague. I don't expect anyone to understand it. I don't expect comments. This is not the whole story. This is private. This is the reason that I started the 30 Days of Truth blog. I don't expect the blog or this entry to bring resolution. I drafted this letter and many versions of it for a long time. I hope that publishing this letter and these other blogs helps me find a resolution.

Dear Hero,

I am so disappointed that you would be so selfish as to unload your problems on me. You don't have the strength to unload on me to my face all of the time . . . you tell my friends so that I can either hear it from them or overhear the conversation. You obviously don't even have the strength to confront these problems in a healthy way with the person you have the problems with. I am two months out from having my second child and yet you think that while working, being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend that I have the emotional or physical strength to carry the weight of the burdens you have brought upon yourself? Or that it is even fair of you to ask me to carry those burdens for you right now? You have tainted some of the most important days in my life with these problems. My memory of my son's first birthday will always be what I like to refer to as the "Gore Comparison". Really is that how you wanted me to find out!? On my son's first birthday. Was that appropriate conversation to have with my co-workers at my son's first birthday? The day that I found out that I was having a second son was the day you decided to announce what I like to call the "Friends" news. Could you not let me enjoy the fact that I was going to welcome a second son into my life? Did it make you feel better to make me feel worse on such a happy day? And now I know that when we go out to dinner and I bring other friends or invite you to a group function . . . my friends, my coworker, everyone, will hear every private detail of what is happening in your problem infested world and that I will have answer to them and explain to them what the hell you are talking about. And the worst part of all of this is THAT I THINK IT IS ALL MADE UP. I don't think anyone else, including the other people who are involved, are even aware of it. In fact, I know it. IT IS ALL MADE UP.

Why me? Why only me? It is selfish and manipulative and I am hurt and feel you have abused our relationship by over-sharing with me and important people in my life.

Get help. And that help is not me. I will be there to support you and love you but the help you are asking me for is unacceptable.

I don't know if I can put myself through the emotional strain at this point in my pregnancy to say any of this to your face or if it matters that I do. I don't even know if you will read this or if it matters if you do.

I will always love you and you will always be a hero to me and we will see each other again and hug each other again - you have to fix this - fix your life.

Learn to see the greatness in your life. Learn to be grateful. Please.

Love Always,
Me