Finding comforts

Right now there seems to be so many more questions then answers. I know I have to stop wondering and asking. I know that no matter how many times I say "this isn't the way it was suppose to work out" that it must have been the way it was suppose to work out.

As strange as it is, one of the only things that brings me comfort right now is looking at these picture.

The first, a picture of Nancy Lou Walter as a baby in her mamas arms. The people who are morning the death of Pearls baby girl were babies themselves or did not even exist in this picture. I did not exist. Pearl wasn't thinking of death. She was thinking of life. How spectacular that the family's of Olmi and Johnson and Depperschmidt and Krutsch and Vinoya (and the list goes on), each on their own separate path when this picture was taken, are converged now to share in the remembrance and celebration of Pearls baby girls life. As strange as it is, immersed in life, surrounded by new life, find comfort in thinking about the families that I do not know now and may never know that will one day remember and celebrate the lives of my baby boys.

The second, a picture of a young Olmi family, Pete, Adria, and a pregnant (with my husband) Nancy. I've seen so many great pictures of Nancy. Mostly pictures from her teenage years or when her own children were teenagers. All of a sudden, seeing this picture of the women I had such a hard time relating to ... not knowing her pain, not understanding her hoarding, not agreeing with her philosophies ... She became relatable. She is young but old enough to be building her family. Her hair is long. She is loving. She is enjoying. She is, in this picture, what I am right now. I can understand. I know this moment.

The third, found on her camera, taken weeks ago. The final in a life long series of self portraits. I remember this day. She was happy. She was tired. She knows something in this picture ...